Liquid's Punishment The Movie
by Liquid
Summary: After conquering all the videogames, everyone's favorite villan Liquid must survive the Resident Evil Movie! Sorry, some errors on a few pages.
1. Drinking Game

It was a dark and stormy night in the bad part of town, and Xing was once again on the hunt for Liquid. This time he had a punishment so sinister, so ville, and so cheesy that there would be no way for anyone to survive.  
"157". Xing counted as he drove past some houses. "159, 161.  
He had Liquid's address, but he had never been to his house before. It was probibly some huge mansion with air conditioning, hot tubs, a full bar and things like that. Now, there were two things that frosted Xing ass: A three foot sno-cone, and Liquid's ability to always come out on top.  
"169". Xing said as he saw the correct house.  
He ran over the mailbox as he pulled over, and cringed as he saw the house.  
The grass hadn't been mowed in what looked like months, there were beer cans everywhere, the door was hanging on one hinge, and there was a sign on the gate that read: CONDEMNED.  
"Take a break". He said as he looked down.  
Claire Redfield lifted her head off of his lap.  
"Will you be long"? She asked.  
"Shouldn't be". He replied as he started to zip up his pants.  
Suddenly his eyes widened as he got himself caught in the zipper. He let out a girly squeel, and corrected the problem. Then he kicked open the car door, slamming it into a passing bicyclist, making him flip ofer the door.  
"Watch where you're fucking going"! Xing yelled as he stepped on the man on the way out.

Meanwhile inside Liquid's house, Liquid was sitting at a small table along with Anthony1989, T-B.O.W., and Windra. They all had a very large glass of alcohol in front of them, and would pound on the table twice, followed by two hand clapps.  
"I've been to Brighton". T-B.O.W. sang. "I've been to Lars, but I can name 18 things that come in jars". "Pickles.  
clap clap pound pound "Jam". Windra said.  
clap clap pound pound "Mayo". Anthony1989 said.  
clap clap pound pound "Brains". Liquid said.  
They all stopped.  
"Brains"? Windra asked.  
"Yeah". Liquid replied. "My uncle's brain is in a jar, it's really sad.  
"Why is it sad?  
"Because he's not dead yet.  
They all started laughing.  
"You're all punished". T-B.O.W. said. "Finish your drinks.  
They all picked up the glasses, and chuged the contents.  
"Liquid next". Windra said as the glasses were refilled.  
clap clap pound pound "I was born in London, and I'm not the king". Liquid sang. "But I can name 30 queers who ass-fucked Xing.  
At that moment there was a pounding at the door.  
"God damn it"! Liquid yelled as he got up.  
He stumbled toward the door, and looked through the peephole.  
"Who is it"? He asked.  
"Girl scouts". The person said with an ugly smile.  
It was obviously Xing. He had put on a girl scout hat with wig, but had not bothered to shave or to disguize his voice. It was something only an absolute moron would fall for.  
"It's a little late to be selling cookies". Liquid replied.  
"Troop leader says we are not meeting our quota". Xing explained.  
"Ok, I'll take a few boxes.  
Liquid unlocked the door, and was knocked on his ass as Xing kicked it open. Then he took off the hat, and tossed it aside.  
"I gotta be honest". Liquid said as he got up. "You looked better with the wig.  
"My hairstyle is the least of your worries, Liquid". Xing said. "It's time for another punishment.  
"But, I already beat all the games.  
"Have you done the movies?  
"Well, no, but the first one was so stupid that I only watched parts of it". "The second one was good, but that first one sucked ass.  
"Good, because you are going to expierience it first hand, and this time there is no way for you to survive BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
"Oh, yeah, well I don't think so.  
"Huh?  
"There's four of us, and togather we can wipe that stupid asian smile off of your stupid face, isn't that right guys"?..."Guys?  
He turned around and saw that the table was empty, and the back door was open.  
"YOU GUYS SUCK"! Liquid screamed.  
"Bye, bye, Liquid". Xing said as he snapped his fingers.  
Xing vanished, and the house suddenly changed into a beautiful mansion.  
"Screw this". He said as he walked toward the door.  
He then slipped on a bar of soap, making his crack his head on the shower stall, making him black out. 


	2. The House Of Next Tuesday

Liquid opened his eyes, and found himself still inside the mansion. His head still hurt like hell, and it took a few tries to get up, but he eventually made it, and started exploring the house.  
His first stop was the bathroom since he was a bit hung over from the drinking game, and he found himself hugging the toilet as he threw up. Unfourtionatly someone had put a layer of cling wrap over the toilet boul, causing the puke to splatter all over Liquid's face and shirt.  
"Mother fuckers". He whispered as he stood back up.  
Since he was already in the bathroom, he stripped down, and stepped into the shower stall. He looked for a knob, but there was none. Then the door suddenly slammed shut and locked.  
"What the hell"? He asked.  
"Welcome to the auto-shower 5000". A speaker said. "From the makers of the House Of Next Tuesday, comes a fully automated shower system that handles everything from simple body cleansing, to shaving, and even full out fellatio.  
"Cool". Liquid said.  
"But since you only bought the basic model, fellatio is not available.  
"That's some bullshit, dude.  
"Since this is the first use of the machine, please allow a minute or two to callibrate to your personal needs". "Once complete, the shower will engage, and all extra functions will be handled by the automated assistants". "Thank you for purchasing the Auto Shower 5000.  
"You're welcome.  
A new voice came over the speaker.  
"What is your height"? The deep voice asked.  
"5 feet 11 inches". Liquid replied.  
"What is your weight?  
"185 lbs.  
"What is your body type?  
"Extremely sexy if you ask me.  
"What is the average wing speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?  
"A what?  
"Insuficient answer...penalty commincing.  
"Penatly?  
Suddenly a boiling hot stream of water came at him at full force, making him scream and fall on his ass.  
It stopped after a few seconds, allowing him to get back to his feet.  
"Questioning resuming". The deep voice said. "Define: Antidisestablishmentarianism.  
"Is that even a word"? Liquid asked.  
"Penalty commincing.  
Over the next hour or so Liquid was tortured by the evil shower, until finally the questioning was finished, and he would be allowed to take his shower.  
"Shower comincing in 15 seconds". The deep voice said.  
"About time". Liquid said.  
"Warning, hot water exausted". "Shower commincing in 7 seconds.  
"What!  
"Only super-cooled water remaining". "Warning, there may be shrinkage". "Shower commincing in 3 seconds.  
Liquid pulled on the door with all his strength, but it wouldn't open. He screamed as the super cold water covered him for what seemed like hours before it shut off.  
"Shower completed". The deep voice said. "Please exit the stall to begin tooth brushing cycle.  
The door opened, and Liquid came face to face with a 7 foot tall metal android that looked like a reject from the jetsons. In one hand it held a toothbrush, and in the other it held a streight razor.  
"Um". Liquid said.  
"I SAID BRUSH YOUR TEETH"! It screamed just before tackling him.  
Two hours later Liquid stumbled out of the bathroom, with a bunch of cotton in his mouth, and pieces of tissue on the many cuts on his face.  
He found himself in the kitchen next, and after ridding himself of the cotton and tissue, he opened the refrigerator, and examined it's contents.  
Inside there was nothing except dozens and dozens of packages of ham, along with a pig's head on the top shelf.  
"Wow". He said.  
He reached for a slice, but suddenly an alarm went off, and he found himself being taken away by another just as scary looking android.  
"Trying to skip out on your diet"? It asked as it slamed him onto the table.  
"What diet"? He asked.  
"My God, you are so fucking fat I can't even see around you.  
"I only weigh 185!  
The android's head opened, and a speaker was visible.  
"I hope you have enjoyed your free preview of the Weight Watcher 6.2". The original speaker voice said. "From the makers of The House Of Next Tuesday, the weight watcher 6.1 is programmed to enforce your diet at all costs, to include injury to the owner". "There is a saftey word, but what fun would that be?  
"Get this thing off of me"! Liquid yelled.  
"If you wish to deactivate the weight watcher 6.1, simply push the red button on the right shoulder before the end of this message". "To activate the full version, simply do nothing.  
Liquid tried to reach the button, but the android was holding him down.  
"Activation complete". The voice said. "Enjoy.  
The head closed, and the machine produced a boul of some discolored white stuff.  
"So, you want to eat, fatso"? It asked. "Then enjoy the tofu.  
It began shoving glob after glob of tofu into Liquid's mouth.  
"Fatty cake, fatty cake, baker's man". It sang. "Eat this shit as fast as you can.  
A spray of bullets slammed into the machine, making it short out, and collapse. Liquid rolled off the table, and threw up the tofu. Then he looked up and saw a dozen people dressed in yellow jumpsuits with guns.  
"Uh, hi". Liquid said as he got up.  
"Take him". Their leader ordered. 


	3. The Canaries

Two of the men held Liquid's arms, while another hit him in the stomach with the butt of the rifle.  
"Identify yourself". The leader ordered.  
"Liquid". He gasped.  
"Liquid"? "What the hell kind of a pansy ass name is Liquid"? "Your father must have hated you somethin fierce.  
"Yeah, but he certainly loved your mom.  
"What the fuck did you just say"! "I'm about to have you shot"! "Ready, aim The others began cocking their rifles.  
"What I said was that you are a fat piece of shit". Liquid explained. "And that this potato virus I recently contracted isn't effecting me at all fjbviudshdujhvlfkjhbvuilrgflfhgbishfo;iegho "SHUT UP"! The leader yelled as he hit Liquid again. "You have got to be the sorriest, most cowardly, spinless piece of shit that I have ever had the misfourtion of laying my eyes on!  
"Maybe you could help me with something.  
"Huh?  
"I can't seem to read what is written on the bottom of my boots.  
He kicked both feet at the leaders head, but the ones holding his arms yanked downward, making Liquid fall on his ass.  
"Well, I'll dig a ditch and burry the bitch, said barnical bill the sailer". The leader said. "You got some guts after all". "INITATION!  
"What"? Liquid asked.  
Another one came up to them carrying the new york city phonebook.  
"What's that for"? Liquid asked.  
He began beating Liquid senseless with the book, then after a few minutes they lifted him to his feet.  
"You've just been drafted". The leader declaired.  
"Drafted"? Liquid asked.  
"Silence". "It is now time to recieve the greatest honor that the company has to offer.  
"Dental benifets?  
"No, a visit from captain Xing himself, who will give us our orders.  
"Captain?  
Xing walked into the room, and Liquid struggled to break away from his captors.  
"Ah, Liquid". Xing said as he walked over to him. "I see you've met the Canaries.  
"The who"? He asked.  
"The Canaries, and you have just become the newest member". "Welcome to the Convict Army of Nearly All Retarded Imbred Evil Sheep-shaggers.  
"Why are they called the Canaries?  
"Well, you see back in the 19th centuary when a new mine was discovered, they would put a canary in a little cage, and lower him in first.  
"What, to do some mining"? "They were sick back then, huh"? "I mean how much coal could a little bird mine?  
Xing smacked him.  
"As I was saying". He continued. "They would put the bird in, and if the air was toxic, as it frequently was, do you know what the canary did?  
"Complained to the foreman"? Liquid asked hopefully.  
"No, Liquid". "It died". "The canaries you see before you follow that proud tradition, and are at all times ready to jump headfirst into the most dangerous, suicidal, one way ticket missions that I can think of, and oh boy do I have a whopper for you". "Your mission is to infiltrate the hive, and establish contact with the main computer, Cassandra". "The entire complex has been on lockdown since the alarms began going off, and no life signs have been detected". "So I must conclude that whatever devoured the crew must still be inside.  
"This is some bullshit, Xing". "There is no way in hell that I am going anywhere near any underground research lab, or running head first into another zombie nightmare". "In fact, I'm out of here before something tries to eat me.  
Liquid kicked the soldier to his right in the stomach, and then jerked his leg back to hit the other one in the same way.  
He was free.  
He took the handgun from a soldier's belt, and shot the leader in the chest until the clip was empty, then he began running for the door.  
Xing calmly picked up a chair, and tossed it, striking Liquid in the back of the legs, dropping him. Xing then used his powers to heal the leader as the others dragged Liquid back to them.  
"No one dies yet". Xing said. "Take the newest Canary to the train, and make your way to the hive.  
They took Liquid away, and Xing walked out of the mansion.  
"You got good stuff, kid". The leader said. "I'm One". "This is Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, and Bob.  
"Hi, Liquid". They all said.  
They went down a long hallway, and boarded a train that would take them underground.  
"Here we go". Ten said as he pressed the control button.  
The train lerched backwards into the barrier.  
"D for Drive, moron"! One yelled.  
"Sorry, One". Ten said.  
He pushed another button, and the windshield wipers came on.  
"Jesus Christ"! Liquid yelled. "It's the blue one!  
"Oh". Ten said. "Thanks.  
He pushed it, and the hailon system came on, flooding the train with fire-suppressent gas, and forcing them to open the door.  
Liquid made another break for it, but couldn't see in the smoke, so he ran full speed into the wall instead.  
The gas cleared, and the train started moving. 


	4. Nomad

The train screamed down the tunnel toward the hive.  
"Now". One Said. "Here's the plan.  
"Atlast, some action". Six said with a crazy grin. "Been too long just sittin around not killing nothing.  
"Six, shut the fuck up". Four ordered.  
"As I was saying". One continued. "Once we reach the hive, we will split up.  
"What"? Liquid asked. "Why should we split up?  
"To do the search quicker.  
"Why, are you in some kind of major hurry?  
"For your information, Liquid, once we open the hive, we have only three hours before it reseals itself permanatly.  
"Who the fuck thought of that stupid shit?  
"It's standard policy". "Now, once we split up, we will take separate dark and scary passages through the evils unknown and end up at the computer core.  
"We are all going to the computer core?  
"Yes, Liquid". "Now, what else do you have to bitch about?  
"Well, if we are all going to the same place, why don't we just go togather?  
The intercom suddenly came on.  
"Hey, guys". Bob said. "In a few minutes we will be arriving at the hive.  
"YEAH"! Six screamed. "LET'S KILL IT"! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
The train suddenly slammed into the barrier wall, making all of them fly forward.  
"We're here". Bob said.  
"Holy shit, rocketman"! Liquid yelled. "Haven't you ever heard of brakes?  
"Haven't you ever heard of shut the fuck up?  
"Enough bullshit". One said as he got up. "Everybody out.  
He opened the door.  
"AT LAST"! Six screamed as he cocked his rifle. "LET'S GO, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
He ran forward, slammed his head into the top of the door, and lost consiousness.  
"Six can watch the train". One said as they all stepped over him on the way out.  
They walked over to the door, and One looked at it.  
"Anyone know how to open this thing"? He asked.  
They all kind of looked at eachother.  
"You don't know how to open the door"? Liquid asked.  
"Do you"? Two asked.  
"Well, no.  
"Then shut the fuck up.  
They continued to study the door, and Liquid began looking around. He spotted a large locker, so he opened it, and discovered the treasure.  
"Hey, look at this"! He called as the thing began to exit the locker. "It's one of thoes old NOMAD probes!  
The floating silver death machine exited the locker, and began scanning them.  
"I AM NOMAD". It said. "MY MISSION IS NON-HOSTILE.  
"Cool". He replied. "I'm Liquid.  
"YOU ARE A TEMPORARY CARBON BASED LIFEFORM". "PLEASE COME WITH ME SO THAT I MAY BEGIN CHOPPING YOU UP.  
"So, you can what?  
"YOU ARE NOT PERFECT". "IMPERFECTION MUST BE DESTROYED IN THE MOST CRUEL AND CREATIVE WAYS POSSIBLE.  
Two mechanical arms extended from the main body. One held a cheese grater, and the other held an egg wisk.  
"What the fuck are you going to do with thoes"? Liquid asked as he backed away.  
"I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR LIFE". Nomad replied as it advanced. "SO THAT IMPERFECTION WILL BE DESTROYED.  
Liquid realized that it was once again hero time, and that this evil machine would kill all of them if it wasn't stopped. So he reached down to the very depths of his soul, and screamed like a little girl as he ran away.  
"Liquid, quit fucking around". One said as it continued to chase him. "We're trying to work here.  
After a few minutes, Nomad stopped and retracted it's arms. Liquid thought he was safe, but then another arm came out holding a 9 Iorn Golf Club.  
"Oh my God". Liquid said.  
"FORE"! Nomad yelled as he charged.  
He knocked Liquid's feet out from under him, produced three more 9 Iorns, and began beating Liquid down.  
"What's my name"! Liquid yelled.  
Nomad stopped.  
"YOU ARE LIQUID". It replied.  
"Wrong"! Liquid yelled. "That's my handel". "I said my real name, and if you were perfect, you would have known that". "So, kill yourself and get rid of the imperfection.  
Nomad was silent, and Liquid felt that he had once again accomplished a great victory.  
"NO". Nomad said. "I SAW THAT EPISODE OF STAR TREK AND I WILL NOT FALL FOR THE SAME TRICK AS THAT OTHER NOMAD.  
"Oh". Liquid said sadly. "It was worth a shot.  
He suddenly took the gun off his belt, and began shooting the innards of Nomad through the arm door.  
The machine began sparking, and soon it fell over dead.  
"Ha, bitch"! Liquid yelled. "Didn't see that on Star Trek, did you?  
There was a whining sound as the large door opened, allowing them access to the hive.  
"Liquid". One said. "Stop fucking around, and get over here.  
He kicked the probe, and grumbled as he joined the others.  
They couldn't even see inside the door, it was so dark.  
"Are there any stairs"? Three asked. "Or a ladder, or a ramp.  
"Only one way to find out". One said.  
He suddenly pushed Three into the dark unknown, and he screamed for a few seconds until he splatted on the ground.  
"Why didn't you just use your flashlight"? Liquid asked.  
"Flashlight"? One asked. "And I suppose that you want to activate the computer by remote too?  
"Well, yeah.  
"You fucking pussy.  
"Hey there's a light switch". Five said as he flipped it.  
The lights came on, and they saw what was left of Three laying at the bottom of the ladder.  
"Let's go". One ordered as he started down.  
They all followed, but Liquid once again tried to sneak away.  
"Get your ass down here, Liquid"! They all screamed as they aimed their guns.  
He groaned as he started down the ladder. 


	5. The Many Dangers Of The Hive

After reaching the bottom of the ladder, they began advancing into the hive.  
First they came into some kind of a cargo bay. It was almost all black, and steaming hoses ran along the floor connecting into a very large container of some kind.  
"What's this then"? Four asked as he walked up to it.  
"There's something written on the side, here". Liquid said as he examined it. "Give me a light.  
They put a light on it, and it read: NAMELESS BEAST.  
The container suddenly started rocking back and fourth as an earth shattering roar filled the cargo bay.  
"Let's take a look inside". Seven suggested.  
"Good idea". Liquid replied. "And how about we open it as well, genious?  
"Ok.  
There was a large lock on the box, so Seven hit it with his rifle.  
"What in the name of god are you doing"? One asked as he grabbed the rifle.  
Liquid breathed a sigh of relief as he realised that someone with a brain was in charge.  
"You have to hit it like this". One said as he shattered the lock.  
"NO"! Liquid screamed.  
The door opened, and Seven was pulled inside by a gigantic claw.  
Four quickly slammed the door, and put a metal rod in place of the lock.  
"Ok, men". One said. "Moving on.  
"What the hell kind of a mickey mouse operation are you people running here"? Liquid asked as they continued on.  
They exited the cargo bay, and came into a main hallway of some kind.  
There was a sign on the wall that was covered with dust, so Liquid wiped off the top.  
It read: DANGER He wiped off some more.  
It read: DANGER, VIRAL RESEARCH CENTER.  
He wiped off below that.  
It read: CONTAMINATION SUITS TO BE WARN AT ALL TIMES.  
Then he wiped off the bottom.  
It showed a picture of something bursting out of a man's chest.  
Liquid quickly covered his nose and mouth.  
"Quit being a bitch". Six said. "If there was a viral danger, my scanner here would have detected it.  
He looked at it, and got a conserned look on his face as he smacked the scanner.  
"I just replaced the batteries on this damn thing, too". He said as he kept smacking it.  
"Whatever". One said. "Moving on.  
Six tossed the scanner away, and they continued on.  
"I thought you guys were mickey mouse, but I misjudged you". Liquid said. "You ain't even Betty Boop.  
They were now in a research area, where a labratory had completely filled with water.  
There was a scientist floating right against the glass.  
"They are dead". One declaired. "Moving on.  
They continued down the hall, but Liquid stayed for a minute, looking at the body.  
He turned away, and the eyes opened.  
He quickly turned around, and they were closed. He did this a few more times, and then got really close to the glass.  
The dead scientist screamed, making Liquid fall on his ass.  
"Ha Ha"! She yelled as he got up. "I got you good, fucker!  
Liquid flipped her off, and ran to join the others.  
"Guys"! He called as he ran. "We have a problem!  
He took a wrong turn, and ran into a room full of dog kennels.  
"Not good". Liquid said as he turned to leave.  
The door slammed shut, and the dogs came out.  
"Really not good". He said.  
They ran at him, and briefly considered using his martial arts to beat them, but then decided that he was nowhere near as good as Mila Jonovitch, and quickly ducked into a kennel, and closed the door.  
The dogs bit at the door, and Liquid knew that he didn't have enough bullets left for them.  
Suddenly he had a flashback.  
"Ok, Solid Snake". Liquid had said. "I bet you 50 bucks against your infinate ammo bandanna that I can make you have a facial expression.  
"You're on". Snake had replied.  
Of course, Liquid had lost the 50 bucks, making the flashback pointless, and Liquid was still stuck.  
"Liquid"? Two called as he came in.  
The dogs leaped on his, and since Liquid was a good battle buddy, he used this time to escape, and to seal the dogs into the room.  
"Thanks". He said as he went toward the others. 


	6. Cassandra

"As far as I can tell". Four said as he hooked up his computer. "This is the only way into the computer core.  
"What did I miss"? Liquid asked as he walked in.  
Four pushed a button, and a heavy door opened, revealing a brightly lit round passageway.  
"Let's go". One said.  
Liquid stopped him.  
"Are you nuts"? He asked. "You want us to go in there"? "Look at it man, I haven't seen a more obvious death trap since that shuttle from Airplane 2.  
"Four". One said. "What is the status of the hive's defences?  
"Nothing works in here". He replied. "All defences down, all security cameras down, hell the only thing still operational is the voice activated music selection.  
Satisfied, One pushed Liquid into the passage, and then he entered, followed by Ten, Nine, and Eight.  
"This is a bad idea". Liquid said as they pushed him forward.  
Suddenly there was an alarm, and the doors began to close.  
"Fall back". One ordered.  
"Fall back, my ass". Liquid replied as he dashed for the computer door.  
"Come back here, Liquid!  
Liquid dove feet first, and flipped him off as he slid into the computer core just before the door closed.  
Lasers began traveling across the room, and One ran for the back door as Ten, Nine, and Eight were chopped up.  
The door wouldn't open, and he turned back around to see the lasers just waiting for him to make a move.  
"Computer". He said. "Access musical selection, Samba". "And crank it all the way up.  
The Samba started playing over the loudspeakers, and One began dancing and spinning as he moved toward the lasers.  
"I hope you're watching this, Four". He said as his rythem got faster. "This is one for the books.  
He jumped over the first laser, and spun to avoid the second, but it moved up, and cut him in half.  
"Wow". Four said. "I don't know about you guys, but I didn't see that coming at all.  
Meanwhile, in the computer core, Liquid was on his feet, and he walked toward the computer.  
It was a holographic head of a middle aged woman.  
"Hello, Tony". She said. "I've been expecting you.  
"Expecting me"? Liquid replied. "And how do you know my real name?  
"I know all". "My name is Cassandra, and I am the main computer in charge of running the hive". "I also have the ability to predict the future with an acuracy of 120 percent". "Bless you.  
He was about to ask her why she said bless you, but he sneezed before he could.  
"If you know the future". Liquid said. "How do I get out of here?  
"You don't, Tony". She replied. "At this moment, your friends are about to cut my remaining power over the hive, releaseing a zombie nightmare the likes of which you have never seen even in all of your other punishments". "In fact, all of the Canaries will be dead within one hour except for Liquid.  
"SWEET!  
"Because Liquid will be dead in two minutes.  
"WHAT!  
She just smirked at him.  
"Just kidding". She said. "But you will all be dead in one hour if you cut my power.  
"Can I stop them"? He asked.  
"No, I'm afraid that you are all going to die down here". "I have already seen it.  
"Well, what if i "Nope, I have already seen it.  
"Well, how about "Not a chance, I have already seen it.  
"Well...have you seen this?  
He flipped her off.  
"Yes". She replied. "I'm afraid that I have.  
There was a sudden power surge, and the lights went off as the doors opened.  
"Good bye, Tony". Cassandra said as her image faded. "Good luck with the zombies.  
The surviving Canaries came in, but then a sound filled the hive. It was the sound of every door opening.  
"You gimboyds"! Liquid yelled. "Do you have any idea what you just did!  
"Yeah". Four replied. "We just beat the evil computer, and saved the day.  
"No, you just killed us". "Who's left anyway?  
He looked around and saw Four, Five, and Six. Bob was probibly still unconsious at the train.  
"Alright, bitches". Liquid said. "I intend to get out of here alive, so now I will be leading the Canaries.  
"Ok". They all said.  
They followed him out of the passage, and were greeted by hundreds of hungry zombies just feet away from them.  
"Let's split up". Liquid said. "You go this way.  
He tossed Bob into the crowd of zombies, and they ran down another hallway as Bob was eaten. 


	7. Liquid Jackson And Quarintine

The zombies ran after them as they fled down the hall, but back in the cargo bay, the metal bar had slid out of place on the cryo container, allowing the Nameless Beast to slowly emerge.  
It pulled itself out, and began it's search for human blood.  
Meanwhile, back in the hallway.  
"Are they still after us"? Four asked.  
"I don't want to look". Liquid replied.  
The hallway ended, and they found themselves inside another large room.  
"A ladder"! Five yelled.  
They ran over to it as the zombies were entering the room. Five and Four went up first, followed by Liquid. Four made it, and gave Five a hand, but the ladder broke, making Liquid fall back to the floor.  
"Hey"! He yelled as they kept going.  
Four and Five dissapeared into another door, and Liquid ran to the other end of the room as more and more zombies came in.  
It was a dead end, and the zombies stopped advancing, as if toying with him.  
There were only three bullets left in the gun, so he looked around for something else to use.  
He found a red maintanance jacket, and one grey work glove.  
This gave him an idea that was so crazy that it just might work. It would be a sure thing if he had his powers, but he had no choice but to risk it.  
"Computer". He said as he put them on. "Access musical selection.  
The zombies started to charge, but stopped when they heard the music. It went to maximum volume, and Liquid walked right toward the crowd.  
"It's close to midnight". He sang. "And something evil's lurking in the dark". "Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart". "You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it". "You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes, you're paralyzed.  
The zombies had cleared a path for him, and he stopped in the middle of them.  
"Cause this is Thriller". He sang. "Thriller night, and no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike". "You know it's Thriller, Thriller Night, you're fighting for your life inside a killer thriller tonight.  
Liquid started doing Michael Jackson's dance moves, and the zombies mimicked his every move. His plan was to keep them dancing until he could reach the second ladder.  
"You hear the door slam". He continued as they danced. "And you realise that there's nowhere left to run". "You feel the cold hand, and you wonder if you'll ever see the sun". "You close your eyes and hope that it's just imagination, but all the while you hear the creatures creeping up behind, you're out of time". "Cause this is thriller, thriller night, and there ain't no chance against the thing with fourty eyes". "You know it's thriller, thriller night, you're fighting for your life inside a killer thriller tonight.  
Liquid stopped singing, and made a mad dash for the ladder, making it just a second ahead of the zombies.  
He reached the top, and tossed the jacket and glove into the crowd as he ran for a door, not knowing where it would lead him.  
Four and Five had continued running from the room.  
They ran down several hallways, until they reached another door.  
But when they opened it, they came face to face with the nameless beast. So they closed it, and ran down another hall just as the nameless beast droke the door down. It roared as they ran inside a room, and locked the extreamly heavy door.  
The monster slammed into it, but it seemed like the door would hold.  
They tried the other door, but it was locked from outside.  
"What do we do"? Four asked.  
"I don't know"? Five replied.  
The nameless beast continued ramming into the door, and they panicked, beating on the other door and screaming to holy hell.  
"Gentilmen". A calm voice said. "Your conversation makes for interesting listening.  
"Six"? Four asked. "Is that you?  
"Oh, yes.  
"How long have you been listening?  
"Two, maybe three minutes.  
"Well, let us out.  
"I would, but this is the quarintine room". "You might be sick or crazy.  
The monster rammed the door harder.  
"Look man". Five said. "We don't have any viruses, and no one is fucking nuts.  
"Well, that's a relief". Six said as the viewing room lights came on.  
"Oh my god". Four said.  
Six was wearing a pink and white dress, with matching hat.  
"Something wrong"? Six asked.  
"No". Five replied. "What could be wrong?  
"Maybe the fact that I'm sitting here in a sunday dress, with army boots?  
"We were just trying to humor you.  
"This was just a test". "It was a little test to see if you had gone crazy WAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
Four and Five shook their heads.  
"Ok". Five said. "We passed the test, let us out.  
"I can't". Six sadly replied.  
"Why not?  
"Because the king of the potato people won't let me". "He wants to keep you here". "Keep you here for 10 years.  
"Can we see him"? Four asked.  
"See who?  
"The king.  
"Do you have a magic carpet?  
"Yes I do.  
Six just shook his head.  
"Let me get this streight". He said. "You want to fly on a magic carpet, too see the king of the potato people, and beg him for your freedom". "And you expect me to believe that you are completely sane"? "I think that warrants some play time with your friend at the first door.  
He moved to let the nameless beast in, but Liquid walked up behind him, and shot him in the back of the head.  
"Let's go, you chicken fuckers". Liquid ordered as he opened the door.  
They were leaving the room, when the nameless beast broke in, and bit Five's head off.  
"RUN"! Liquid screamed as he and Four ran down another hall. 


	8. Melvin And The Surprise Villan

Liquid and Four raced down the hall as the Nameless Beast followed.  
"I don't think we can outrun it". Liquid said.  
"I don't have to outrun it". Four replied. "I only have to outrun you.  
He shoved Liquid into the wall, making him slip, and fall on his face.  
"Hey"! Liquid called as Four kept running.  
He started to get up, when the nameless beast grabbed him, and lifted him into the air.  
"NOOOOOOO"! Liquid screamed. "NOT THE NAMELESS BEAST!  
"Actually". It replied in a sophisticated voice. "My name is Melvin, but no one ever bothers to ask.  
"You can talk"? Liquid asked.  
"Yes". "I consider myself to be a rather smart being, but no one ever wants my knowledge". "That kind of thing pisses me off, and makes me want to eat them.  
Melvin opened his mouth to bite Liquid's head off.  
"I WANT KNOWLEDGE"! Liquid quickly screamed.  
"Really"? Melvin asked.  
"Yes, yes, really"! "I WANT TO LEARN!  
"Good, then I shall start with an extreamly long and detailed lecture of how grass grows.  
"Can I teach you something first?  
"Sure.  
"Ok, then pay attention.  
"Alright.  
"This is how to escape from nameless beasts that call themselves Melvin.  
"Huh?  
He then kicked Melvin in the balls as hard as he could. This caused the monster to drop him, allowing him to escape.  
Melvin roared as Liquid ran away, and began chasing him down the hall.  
Liquid dissapeared into another room, three seconds later Melvin smashed the door down with intent to destroy the first living thing he saw.  
"Late again huh"? Liquid asked.  
He saw wearing a fake mustash, and a barber's apron.  
"What"? Melvin asked.  
"Never mind". Liquid said as he took him by the arm. "Lucky for you, I'm the fastest barber in the world.  
He pushed Melvin into a large chair, and strapped him down.  
"What are you doing"? He asked.  
"The usual". Liquid replied as he grabbed a bunch of tools. "A shave, a trim, and an untimely death.  
"What was that last one?  
"A trim.  
Liquid pulled out a hacksaw, and leaped onto Melvin, hacking and slashing until the blade broke.  
"Now for the aftershave". Liquid said as he grabbed a bottle of hydrachloric acid.  
Melvin screamed as he the entire bottle was poured onto his face.  
"A trim you say"? Liquid asked as he picked up a chainsaw. "LET'S START WITH A LITTLE OFF THE TOP"! "AHHHHHH!  
He revved it up, and jammed it into Melvin's head. It tore into him for a few seconds, and then the blade snapped, knocking off Liquid's fake mustash.  
"Hey"! Melvin yelled. "You're Liquid!  
"And you're dead"! Liquid replied as he flipped a large power switch.  
Electricity began to flow over the chair, and Melvin roared as Liquid tossed away the barber's apron, and escaped into the hallway.  
Meanwhile, Four had made it to the train, and was powering it up as Liquid came running out of the hive.  
"START THE TRAIN"! He screamed as he jumped onboard.  
Four was about to hit the start button, when a giant claw broke through the wall, and sliced him in half.  
Liquid used his last three bullets to shoot Melvin's claw, making it pull back just long enough for him to start the train.  
He thought he was safe as the train sped back toward the house of next tuesday, and when it stopped, Liquid jumped out and was about to make up a victory song, when Melvin appeared on top of the train.  
"Shit"! Liquid yelled as he ran away.  
He was back inside the house and not six feet away from the door when Melvin tackled him to the floor.  
"Die, Liquid"! Melvin screamed as he opened his mouth.  
Suddenly a dozen armed men burst into the house, led by none other then Chuck Norris.  
Chuck roundhouse kicked Melvin in the head, instantly killing him. Then He snapped his fingers, signaling the others to restrain Liquid.  
"Give me our most expendible men". Chuck ordered. "Send them to reopen the hive, thoes poor bastards.  
"What about this guy"? One of the others asked.  
"NEVER QUESTION CHUCK NORRIS!  
He roundhouse kicked him in the head, killing him.  
"And as for Liquid". He continued. "Take him to the tower of london"..."Make him a part of the tour.  
"NOOOOOOO"! Liquid screamed as they lifted him over their heads. "HAVE MERCY CHUCK NORRIS!  
"Wait". "Instead of the tower of london, take him to the raccoon city hospital, and give him a bracing enema before sedating him.  
They started carrying him away.  
"Wait a minute"! Liquid yelled. "Chuck Norris can't be a bad guy!  
"Sure I can". Chuck replied. "I played one in Karate Cop.  
"Oh, yeah, I forgot.  
They took Liquid away, and the team went to reopen the hive. 


	9. The Coming Apocolypse

There was an ungodly beeping sound as Liquid's eyes snapped open.  
It was coming from an alarm clock that was just out of his reach, and the beeping hurt so bad that he ripped the needles out of himself, grabbed it, and tossed it across the room.  
The alarm clock shattered, and the beeping stopped.  
It took himself a few tries, but he slowly made it out of the bed, and remembered that he was taken to the hospital by that bastard, Chuck Norris.  
He found his clothes, and as he was getting dressed he realised that there was no sound comming from anywhere else in the hospital.  
The door was locked, so he rammed it with his shoulder, succeding only in hurting himself.  
"OW"! He screamed. "FUCKING CHUCK NORRIS!  
He beat on the door for a few minutes, and then looked down to see the key.  
Liquid reached down to pick it up, but it slid back under the door just before he got it.  
"Hey"! He yelled.  
He stood back up, and the key came back. This repeated a few times, until Liquid got an idea. He stood up, allowing the key to return, and then he stomped on it.  
"HA HA"! He said triumphantly. "You thought you could beat Liquid, but you were wrong!  
The key was then yanked back under the door with such force that Liquid fell on his ass.  
"Fuck this"! He screamed as he got up.  
He turned around, and ran full speed at the closed window. He leaped, connected with the glass, and bounced back onto the floor.  
"Jesus fucking god damn ass fucking shit lickers"! He yelled as he once again got up.  
The key was once again slid under the door, and it stopped at Liquid's foot.  
He picked it up, and used it to unlock the door.  
"Liquid"! Xing exclaimed as he hugged him. "Good to see you're still with us.  
"I fucking hate you". Liquid replied as he pushed away. "I passed this punishment, now let me go home.  
"Home"? "But your punishment isn't over yet.  
"Yes, it is". "This is where the first movie ended, I remember.  
"But, if you remember so well, the end of the first movie was the beginning of the second.  
Liquid's jaw dropped as Xing started laughing.  
"Have fun". He said as he dissapeared.  
Liquid hung his head as he walked out of the hospital, and when he got outside, he found himself in Raccoon City.  
The place was trashed.  
There were overturned viehicals, trash was scattered everywhere, and several buildings were on fire. If Liquid didn't know any better, he would have thought he was in Detroit.  
There was a newspaper in the news rack, so he skimmed the articals.  
The dead walk, zombies fill the streets, man has half a sex change and marries himself, ect.  
He walked over to a cop car, and took the shotgun from the holder.  
"This is some bullshit". He said as he cocked the gun. 


End file.
